Unbearable
by Xx-JabbatheShandy-xX
Summary: Eragon. Murtagh. Same family, but desperate for love. T for swearing, Angst, depression and eventual suicide/attempted suicide. Eratagh Eragon/Murtagh Rating may change
1. Who Wants To Live Forever

**So sue me, I thought of the last chapter while I was supposed to be working my salchow, but I couldn't help it, I swear. I was reading Eragon, Eldest and Brisingr all through last night and today I was listening to some slightly depressing music. Before I went out ice skating too, I was reading some Eragon/Murtagh fan fictions, so it was kinda obvious what was going to happen to my thoughts. Of course, I realised my last chapter idea wouldn't make much sense without the rest of the story, so of course, I flipped through my mp3 player until I found some songs that'd serve this story's purpose well…**

**T for later suicide and incest-y thoughts. Also swearing and lots of angst.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything here but the plot, and even that was inspired by the wonderful work of AFI, who I don't own either. I wish I owned Murtagh though… *sigh*…**

**Oh yeah, I don't own Breaking Benjamin or Queen either (they both did versions of this song)**

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**Chapter One - Eragon - Who Wants to Live Forever**

The stereo was on repeat. Eragon didn't know why he put it on repeat, but he did. Who Wants to Live Forever... Finally, a song he could relate to. A song that ripped apart his emotions and screwed them up. A song that wrenched his heart and made him want to jump off the nearest bridge. And all because of one fucking brother. One stupid brother who he couldn't live without. He couldn't help it. He loved him. He, Eragon Bromsson was in love with his half brother Murtagh Morzanson. And there was nothing he could do about it.

He choked out a bitter laugh. It sounded strangled, even to his own ears. Then a single tear rolled down his cheek. He swiped at it, angry. "Damnit," he cursed. "Why the hell couldn't I have fallen in love with someone else?"

He whimpered, curling up into as tiny a ball as he could in the corner of his dark blue room. He cast an eye around his surroundings forlornly. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, letting the sound of Breaking Benjamin **(Sorry, I just prefer that version to Queen)** flow over him, swirling the lyrics around in his mind, listening to them.

_There's no time for us.  
There's no place for us.  
What is this thing that builds our dreams,  
Yet slips away from us?_

Another tear slid down his cheek, but this time he did nothing to hinder it's progress. The song described the situation perfectly. He loved Murtagh. He _knew_ he did. But it could never happen, even if Murtagh felt the same. It was against the law. And it made Eragon feel... hollow... emotionless...

_Who wants to live forever?  
Who wants to live forever?  
Ooh._

Not him, that's for sure. All he really wanted... He wasn't even sure of that. He could tell him, and risk all he'd worked for, or he could end it. End it fast, before he could get hurt. He shook his head, trying to shake these thoughts out of him. It didn't work, so he tried to drown them out, concentrating body, mind and soul on the music. Another tear. His third one tonight.

_There's no chance for us.  
It's all decided for us.  
This world has only one sweet moment,  
Set aside for us._

That only brought the dark thoughts back to him. They had no chance to flourish as the may have done had things been different... Had Eragon been straight... Had Murtagh been straight. But they had no chance, not even a second for just the two of them to be happy together as Eragon had dreamed. That makes four, five tears now. He drifted through the chorus, but his ears pricked up for the lines afterwards.

_Who dares to love forever?  
Oh, when love must die?  
_

Eragon, that's who. He knew without a doubt he'd willingly risk everything, anything for Murtagh.

_Then touch my tears with your lips.  
Touch my whole world with your fingertips._

Eragon gasped a sob. That was exactly what he wanted Murtagh to do. To kiss away the tears, the hurt, the uncertainty, the sheer torture of possibly having to see Murtagh grown up, with a partner, with possible children. Eragon hiccuped on his tears. They were choking him, suffocating him. Like his love for that which was out of his grasp. The rescue belt that was inches away from his outstretched fingers, while he was drowning... drowning... The final line was what sealed his fate...

_Who waits forever anyway?_

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**What did the final line make Eragon decide? Find out in the next chapter of... UNBEARABLE!**

** Ah heh heh heh... Sorry that sounded like a crappy TV show ending XD So what did you think? Drop a line, would you? I'm a little nervous as to what you think of my first Angst & my first Guy/Guy pairing...**

**Hmm, we'll make it easy, say five reviews and I upload? No flames?**


	2. So Cold

**Holy crap I'm so sorry, people! I completely forgot about this story! Well, I wrote the first ending ages ago, and I've not got to work on the alternative one, so I'm just going to say a quick thank you to my reviewers, and an apology for the VERY emo part to come. Remember, you may turn back when I give the sign and just wait for the happy ending.**

**Unbearable, Chapter 2**

_The final line was what sealed his fate..._

_Who waits forever anyway?_

Not him.

He stood, now positive what he had to do. He crossed to his desk, knowing if he hesitated, he'd chicken out. Grabbing a pen and a scrap piece of paper, he scrawled a note. It would have to do... So he fled his room, leaving the door wide open, darting past Murtagh's room, ignoring the loud "Huh? 'Agon?!? Where're you going?" that emanated from it. He fled to the bathroom and locked it, blocking out the pounding of the bare feet belonging to his brother, Murtagh rushing to the bathroom door. He rifled through the drawers surrounding the bathroom sink, knowing exactly what he was looking for. He was hasty in his search, and hissed in pain when what he was searching for connected with his index finger. He quickly withdrew them, gazing at the single droplet of red liquid that fell oh so slowly from his fingertip.

"'Agon, come out of there! Please! At least tell me what's wrong! 'Agon, wait a minute, I'll call Selena!"

He smiled, a small smile that would have been apologetic had anyone seen it.

"Goodbye," he said, emotionless, his face unreadable.

He jumped when a loud crashing startled him out of his reverie. Murtagh was smashing the door, most likely with his fists and feet. This only served to hurry Eragon up, however, and he quickly grasped the razor. He'd used it before, so much it'd stopped hurting, stopped scarring, and nobody even noticed.

His gaze darted around the small, pristine bathroom and settled on the shower. He loped forwards and jiggled the handle for cold water before stumbling in in, clumsy. He tossed the razor up and down a few times, to steel himself, and then slashed. He yelled out, unable to contain it. It hurt, but it felt good all at the same time. It was bittersweet. It could never rival the pain of his unrequited love though. He looked down at it and could see invisible vapours leaking from his scarred wrists, vapours of everything that was wrong. This was painful. This was good. This was a pain he _could _control. Euphoria.

Murtagh redoubled his efforts to break down the door.

Eragon, hearing Murtagh's grunts and smashes, brought the glinting object down again. Harder. On the other wrist. He moaned with pain, but felt lighter than air. It was a bitter ecstasy. And he felt… cold. Deathly cold, although that may have had something to do with the shower, the water was starting to feel almost as warm as the shade of red that dripped swiftly to the floor. He vaguely registered his brother's triumph, having bested the previously locked door. His vision was getting hazy around the edges. His now slack hand dropped the razor, it clattering to the ground. He was seeing in black and white… Except for two splashes of hazel, flecked with green and grey... Murtagh's eyes. They were glazed with tears, tears of fear, worry, self blame, confusion, concern and… love? Love… But it was too late for him now. He blacked out, praying fervently that Murtagh would read his note.

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**Yo, this is the sad ending, just so you know. Once I'm not busy, I'll get the happy one up, and maybe even a sequal.**

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Murtagh broke down, sobs racking his chest. He clutched Eragon's note in his right hand. He'd read it. Three times, just to make sure.

'Tagh, it said, I love you. I always have. And I'm sorry if you're mad at me. If you're reading this, there's a very good chance I finally did it. I finally died. I'm sorry. It was too much. I love you and I hope to see you again some day. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. Over the years, I've gradually fallen in love with you. I'm sorry.

Yours in life and death,

Eragon Bromsson xx

"Oh, little brother… I love you too…"

And he followed Eragon, his little brother, the one he loved, with the same razor and the same last word... "Goodbye..."

A few weeks later, a solitary woman was in mourning, standing at her sons' grave. Now she knew. She'd found the notes, and within the words, could only feel acceptance and motherly love, though she hadn't been much, she'd done her best. She just wished she could've seen the anguish they'd survived in, as she lay down two red roses upon the single grave. She walked away, head down, and unknown to her, two boys in white pajamas stood silently, both with their scars, looking more than a little like brothers, holding hands.

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**Sorry if the first ending sucked, I did my best. **

**The description of what Eragon felt when he cut? Experience. Ain't trying to get attention, just show I'm facing up to it.**

**Hey, drop me a line, yo? Tell me suggestions for a sequal? Oh, wait, maybe that'd better wait 'til the alternate ending... You know, avoidances for continuity errors, the like. *waves hand dismissively***

**Thanks for holding out, means a lot to me. x.x**


End file.
